Some Simple Ways to Be a Total Dick at Slot Machines

Okay, I get it, you’re a jerk and you want to be even more jerkier than before. But how do you top pushing down an old granny in a supermarket making her spill all her cans of refried beans? Well, you cheat at slots with the most douchebag methods known to man. This guide, made my yours truly, a douche amongst douche royalty, will teach you the artistry of being a complete asshole when you play a slot machine.

First trick up my sleeve is to mess around with the coins. If the slot requires you to put in tokens or coin money, then this is an easily exploitable trick. All you have to do is not put in the proper amount with a metal coin of simpler size to play for free! Jam up that coin slot with Japanese Yen or other currencies that aren’t worth crap to get the best bang for your non-buck. The same thing works with paper money too, just stick all that fruity colourful paper from third world countries and you’re gold! No more wasting your true cash! But, one problem, how do you get foreign money? Simple, just go abroad and rob a bank! Bingo. Problem solved.

You can also attach a string to your coin to pull it back out before it gets gobbled up by the machine. And here you thought it was only possible on cartoons! No, it can work in real life too, you just need to make sure you get some really good string or it could snap leaving this plan broken. Another thing you could do is to just start banging the machine like a great ape hoping coins will rain down in a jackpot. Not only is this fun, but you’ll look like a total asshat doing it!

And while you’re in the middle of doing all this, keep in mind there are security cameras watching your every move! So while you can enjoy cheating and looking like a jackass, I didn’t say it’d actually help you in winning. It’s just another fun way to play the game!