How to Cheat a Slot Machine

Cheating is a great way to get ahead in life! Of course it is, I mean, just look at everyone around you. It’s the cheaters that get ahead and those who play by the rules get burned. So why wouldn’t you want to cheat at a slot machine, a machine designed to cheat you! It’s all about getting even isn’t it, but how can you do it? How do you go about messing with a machine that has so bells and whistles that’ll keep you at bay from ever tampering with it? Here’s how.

First, you need to get yourself some alien technology. Only alien technology salvaged from a UFO crash can give you the edge you need to crack a slot machine and hack into the system, matrix or whatever you hacker psychos like to call your crazy world of zeros and ones. If you’re having trouble locating a crash landing spot or a piece of alien technology, just go down to your local town hermit and he’ll be able to hook you up with the goods. Once you have the tech, how do you use it? You’ve got to attach it to the machine, and since these things are also sentient beings, it’ll automatically start latching on to the machine and dishing out numbers for you, all with a command broadcasted with your mind. YOUR MIND!

But now, you must be thinking, what all the loop holes? Why alien technology? The answer is extremely simple you simpleton: aliens built your casino! I mean, look, why do they build casinos in great monuments like the pyramids or an Eiffel Tower, or some crazy shit like that? It’s because they want to leave a tribute to their ancestors who built those things too. The reason why casinos exist today are because the aliens are trying to get enough cash to buy supplies for their trip back to their planet, so they can bring everyone here and colonize the humans. Obviously, we cannot let that happen. That is why it is urgent and the duty of every human being to cheat the slot machine. We can’t let these aliens win!