44 Surest Ways to Not Look Stupid at Poker

A lot of these tips will be so obvious you’re going to slap yourself at how they’ll make you feel oh so incredibly dumb for not knowing them. So let’s play a game. Every time you don’t know one of the tips, slap yourself in the face! It’ll be a good lesson in exercising that brain. Let’s begin!

1. Learn the rules Griffon-Casino-UK.net.
2. Eat a full and nutritious meal so you’re focused.
3. Don’t swap cards. This isn’t “Go Fish.”
4. Make sure have a full 8 hours of sleep.
5. Play against stupid people.
6. Don’t be stupid yourself.
7. If you’re playing strip poker… play against people you want to see naked.
8. Learn to bluff.
9. Learn to call.
10. Learn to raise.
11. Learn to hide your emotions.
12. Learn to wear sunglasses if you can’t hide your emotions.
13. Learn how to anticipate your opponent’s hand.
14. Learn to peak discreetly at your opponent’s hand if you suck at anticipating.
15. Understand that poker isn’t a game of poking people in the belly.
16. Know that you don’t have to be Texan to play Texas Hold’Em.
17. Learn to earn money legitimately so you have money to bet.
18. Learn how to use a gun so you can shoot yourself in the face properly when you lose all your money.
19. Practice using paper money as toilet paper since you’re going win a lot of money.
20. Never play poker on a full moon.
21. Never play poker with vampires.
22. Always thank Jesus when you win.
23. Always curse Jesus when you lose.
24. I hope you took those gun lessons seriously, because another option is killing everyone at the table and then just taking their money.
25. Learn to time travel to the future so you know everyone’s cards.
26. Remember that poker is an individual game, everyone plays for themselves.
27. Watch how other players play.
28. Be mindful of your bets and how others bet.
29. Play to win at all costs.
30. The end justifies the means.
31. Make sure and double check that you are not retarded.
32. Keep an ace up your sleeve LITERALLY.
33. Bribe the dealer.
34. Play footsy with everyone in the table to mess them up psychologically.
35. As Yoda said, there is no try. Only do or do not.
36. If in Japan, be prepared to commit seppukku if you lose.
37. Don’t do drugs.
38. Count cards! It works… unless you’re terrible at math.
39. Be the host in a private game and then change the rules in your favour whenever you’re losing.
40. Play online because computers never cheat. Only people do. Like your spouse. Zing!
41. When you hit 21. Stop. Oh wait…
42. Stand up and yell “I’m the king of the world” when you have a pair of kings.
43. Start singing Bohemian Rhapsody when you have a pair of queens.
44. Dress in a tuxedo like James Bond in Casino Royale. And remember, the black guy is an American agent working for the Americans. Trust him.