34 Ways to Play Slot Machines

Look, unless you’re a retired 65 year old living on a pension and with nothing else to do with your life, then slots are a damn boring game. Let’s face it, there’s not much happening and all you really do is sit and pull a lever, but how else could we make it fun? On the surface slots suck, but here are several ways you can make it more enjoyable.

1. Bang your head against the machine hoping to change the reels to your favour.
2. Don’t go into epileptic shock from all the flashing lights.
3. Use a coin on a string like in all those silent films and old cartoons.
4. Break open the machine and steal all the coins inside… then run from the cops later.
5. Play slot machine Russian roulette… if you lose, shoot yourself.
6. Play on each machine once then switch to the next machine.
7. Play with the max bet.
8. Do drugs before you play for a really awesome slot machine acid trip.
9. Play while someone sits on your lap.
10. Don’t touch the lever with your hand, but with your mind.
11. When you win, don’t collect. Just run away! How awesome would that be?
12. Bring orphans to the casino so they can watch you gamble all their donation money away.
13. Play blackjack and slots at the same time online.
14. Take a bathroom break while playing slots. Yeah, you can go in your seat. It’s okay.
15. Marathon slot games for 36 hours straight with no food, water or sleep. You’ll love it!
16. Pull the lever with your foot.
17. Pull the lever with your boobs. Men can do this too.
18. Play two machines at the same time using both hands… if you have both hands. If you are an amputee, we are very very sorry.
19. Play blindfolded.
20. Do not play, just sit there contemplating the machine in deep philosophical thought.
21. Always hug your machine before you play with it.
22. Don’t forget to kiss it too when you play otherwise you machine might get upset and might be made to feel dirty afterwards.
23. Place a condom on the lever. You never know who has been touching it!
24. Pull the lever with your mouth… yeah after the last one, this sounds more dirty than it should.
25. Pull the lever with your butt. Okay, that’s the last of these pull the lever with x body part! Sorry!
26. Wear a French maid’s uniform when you play.
27. Unplug the machine and then start playing for practice in getting your pulls down just right.
28. Do a Shinto charm chant before you pull the lever for good luck.
29. Every time you pull the lever say aloud, “I sentence you to die!”
30. Dance between every game.
31. Stand while playing.
32. Play with a gimp mask on.
33. Play while on top of a horse.
34. Play while the horse is on top of you.